


The More, The Merrier

by machka



Category: Bandom: Axium, Bandom: MWK, Real Person Fiction, Tulsa Gangstas
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-11-11
Updated: 2008-11-11
Packaged: 2017-10-20 02:39:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,123
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/207893
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/machka/pseuds/machka
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>These guys have way too much time on their hands - and think about sex every second of it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The More, The Merrier

**Author's Note:**

> [This](http://www.armory.com/tests/sex247.html) is the purity test they're playing with in the beginning. It's good times. You should check it out.
> 
> ...See if you can find the ones that squick Neal. XD
> 
> Written for and posted to the [Tulsa_Gangstas](http://community.livejournal.com/tulsa_gangstas/profile)' "(Im)purity Test Challenge," as background and an introduction to the challenge itself.
> 
> Disclaimer: The following is a work of fiction. The events described therein are not intended to represent actual events. No libel or defamation is intended in posting said fictitious work.
> 
> In other words, it's not real, because I made it all up.

"Oh guys... Look what _I've_ got..." Dave sing-songs from the doorway. He approaches the dimly-lit corner of the lounge, grinning widely, brandishing several well-worn sheets of paper in his hand.

Those gathered around the low table glance up from an argument over their Mexican house rules, but Neal alone recognizes the significance of the gift Dave is bearing.

"Jesus Christ, not that fucking thing again..." he groans, slamming the dice cup on the table in disgust.

Pouting, Dave flops onto the couch beside Liz and grabs Neal's beer off the table. "Aw c'mon, Tiemann -- this is college," he wheedles, taking a large swig from the bottle before Neal snatches it away. "It's a time-honored tradition amongst my people! You're at a lounge party in a frat house, getting wasted -- how can you _not_?"

"It's easy, believe me," Neal retorts, grabbing a fresh beer from the cooler and sliding it across the table.

"Whadizzit?" Andy pipes up, blinking in confusion.

"It's nothing," Neal replies, sounding irritated.

"No way man! It's _awesome_!" Dave insists, brushing off Neal's casual dismissal.

"It's _stupid_."

"Shut up, Liz, seriously," Dave says gently, mussing her hair. "Besides, you really don't have any room here to talk, remember?" he murmurs, kissing her cheek.

"Oh really? Which one did you guys cross off?"

Neal glares at the woman beside him. "God, Lexi, don't encourage them..."

"...Number two thirty-seven," Dave retorts smugly.

Instantly, Neal's gaze sharpens. "Which one's that?"

"'God, Neal, don't encourage them...'" Alexis snarks, and Neal shoots her a dark look.

"Fuck off, Lex... C'mon, Dave, gimme," he says, gesturing for the papers.

Obliging, Dave passes over the sheets, smiling wickedly as Andy cranes his head, trying to catch a glimpse of what's written as they cross in front of him.

Neal smirks back, scanning the pages quickly.

"Aw, c'mon now, Dave...You've done that before, haven't you? What about that groupie that one night in Edgerton?"

Dave curses as Alexis and Jennie both scramble to read over Neal's shoulder.

"She must have had a lot of stamina," Jennie muses aloud.

Neal's grin widens, growing positively devilish. "Who said it was a 'she'?"

"Oh, God!" Dave groans as all heads turn his way, and he shrinks into the sofa cushions, wishing himself invisible.

"Yeah, good ol' Dave over there got to cross off more than just number two thirty-seven after _that_ night, let me tell ya..." Neal continues, roaring with laughter as Dave covers his face with his hands. "Shit, boy almost would'a gotten to two thirty-eight, 'cept that the guy passed out first..."

"Wait," Andy interrupts, sitting bolt upright in his seat. "Where was _I_ when all this was happening?"

"I was _drunk_ , dammit..." Dave moans from behind his hands, and Neal snorts.

"Isn't that always your excuse?"

Liz clears her throat delicately. "Well, _I_ hadn't done it yet, so..."

"C'mon guys, what the fuck is that thing?" Andy whines, grabbing for the pages impatiently. Chuckling, Neal easily fends him off, holding them just out of reach.

"It's a purity test," Jennie replies, and Andy blinks.

"A what?"

"Oh, baby, no... It's not your fault," Jennie coos, slithering into his lap to drape an arm around his shoulders. "You've led such a sheltered life..."

"Hey!"

"No offense, Lexi, but it's true..." Laughing off her friend's affected outrage, Jennie presses her forehead to Andy's temple, and whispers in his ear. "I'll give you your own private test later on tonight, baby..." She giggles as Andy's face flushes scarlet, and trails her fingers lightly along his jaw.

"Oh, hey there guys! Hail, hail the gang's all here, eh?"

"Why, it's Jeff and Bobby!" Dave crows, perking up considerably. "What'chu guys doin' tonight?"

"Run, guys, run!! Dave's got the damn list out again!" Neal yelps loudly, and Dave swears at him again, which only eggs him on. "Save yourselves, man! Run!!"

Bobby pauses in mid-stride, tipping an imaginary hat to the group. "Welp, nice seein' yall -- I'm outta here..." he chirps lightly, and does a neat one-eighty on his heel, heading back the way he came.

"Aw, c'mon, Bob," Dave hollers at his retreating back. "Lighten up YA FUCKIN' PRUDE!!"

Bobby flicks his fingers over his shoulder without looking back and is gone.

Jeff, on the other hand, grabs a chair and drags it to their circle instead, shrugging at Neal's tilted head. "This is always good for a few laughs," he explains obliquely, and settles in to watch.

Sliding the test across the table, Neal slumps back into his chair and studies Dave with curiosity. "Man, you bring that fuckin' thing out every time we come up here, David -- aren't we _done_ with it?"

"...Are you at zero yet?" Dave snaps.

They stare stonily at each other across the table, and Neal shakes his head.

"...Then, no," Dave replies.

"Oh my _God,_ dude, seriously? There's some things on that list that even _I_ won't do, man..."

"No fucking way -- really?" And Andy grabs for the sheets on the table.

Neal leans forward, piercing him with narrowed eyes. "Yes, Andy -- really."

Andy runs down the list, shaking his head. "I don't really see..." he begins, and suddenly his face blanches. "...Oh."

"Yeah, 'oh.' Anyway," Neal continues, turning back to Dave, "It's purposely set up that way, David, so nobody ever _gets_ to the end."

They sit a few moments in stony silence, punctuated by Andy's soft exclamations as he studies the list. They stare at their hands, at the floor, the wall, the table, their beers... Anywhere but at each other, while their female companions shift uncomfortably, glancing back and forth between the pair.

"Y'know what?" Dave ventures finally. "We need to fix that problem."

"...You sick _bastard._ "

"Fuck, no!! Not _that_ way, Tiemann -- GOD!"

Neal raises an eyebrow. "How?"

Dave grins. "We make up our own."

~~~~~~~~~~

"Okay," Neal growls, leaning back in his chair. "So how do we do this?"

Dave tosses a notebook on the table in front of him, and slouches back into his previous spot on the couch. "Well, it shouldn't be too much like that test, I guess... That's pretty much defeating the purpose..."

"Well, c'mon man -- this is your thing here. Gimme some ideas!"

"I'm thinking, God damn it, I'm thinking... just gimme a minute, shit!"

"It's all about sex, isn't it."

Jennie arches a suggestive eyebrow at Dave and Liz over the older pages in her hands, and smiles in triumph when Liz begins to blush furiously.

"I mean, seeing as most of the items crossed out -- and _circled?_ Oh my _God,_ you two have big plans, don't you?"

Dave chokes on his beer, and Jennie continues brightly.

"Anyway! They're all related to sex, so I'm guessing it's safe to assume that's what it's about?"

"Oh God..."

"Shut it, Andy," Neal mutters, and Andy does.

"Um..." Dave coughs again, and Neal studies the flush creeping up his friend's neck as Dave finally gives up and nods helplessly.

"Well, there you go!" Jennie replies with a flourish of her hand. "Just think about sex -- like you don't do that twenty-four-seven-three-sixty-five already, but humor me -- what do _you_ think is hot, guys?"

As her voice slips into a sexy purr, Neal is thinking that Andy might just be the luckiest fucking guy on the planet; Dave is watching Liz watching _him_ from the corner of his eye as his breath catches in his throat and he swallows hard; and Andy is thinking that there's a few things on that fucking list he wouldn't mind doing right now, the way she's sounding...

"Where have you always thought about doing it? What would turn you on, more than anything...?" Jennie continues, her voice husky with seduction.

"What would you dare your buddies to do, that you would never do in a million years?"

"Aw, dammit!" Jennie curses delicately, and Alexis laughs out loud. "Way to ruin the mood, Lexi!" But even she has to laugh, and shakes her head at her best friend with a wink and a nod. "No, but really, that's a good one, Lex -- put a little _challenge_ in it; I like it..."

And just like that, the laughter's over, and she glances up at the boys from beneath feathery eyelashes.

"So, boys, what do you say?" And again with the purr, and now a slow, sexy smile. "...Tell us what _you_ want to do."

~~~~~~~~~~

"Aw, c'mon guys -- what the fuck is wrong with a quickie?"

"Oh, for fuck's _sake_ , David -- that's so _not original..._ " Neal groans, tipping his head back in exasperation.

"...But you'd never turn one down, would'ya?" Dave snarks, and Andy snorts with laughter as he scribbles his suggestion in the notebook making its way around the low table.

"Settle down, boys," Alexis warns them affectionately. "As long as it's hot, who says it has to be original?"

"Maybe it's not the act itself, but where the act takes place," Jennie suggests, tapping a pen thoughtfully against her teeth. "Well? What can we come up with?"

"How about backstage, before a gig?"

They've almost forgotten that Jeff is even there, he's been so quiet, and as their heads all snap around to stare at him, he flashes a sheepish smile and shrugs.

"Just...puttin' it out there, is all..." he murmurs, darting a quick look at David.

The others turn in unison to do so as well, and find that David's turned pale as a ghost.

"What?" he croaks, and Neal cocks an eyebrow at him.

"Naw, man... Jeff, that _so doesn't count_ \-- I was just rubbing one out! HEY!" He raises his voice, striving to be heard over their raucous laughter. "...It was for stress relief, I swear to God! Fuck!!"

"...Did Jeff see you?" Liz glances up shyly from the notebook, pen poised on a dot.

Both Dave and Jeff's eyes bug out at her question, and they trade nervous looks again.

"...Did Jeff _watch_ you?" She's easing forward now, laying the pen aside to finger the edge of the notebook lightly as she studies their reactions from under her lashes.

Dave just stares at her, lips parted and eyes wide, while Jeff shifts uncomfortably in his seat and looks away, effectively answering her question.

"...Did you _know_ he was watching?" she persists, touching her boyfriend's arm lightly. Her mouth twists in a sly sideways grin as Jennie and Alexis exhale appreciatively. Behind Dave, she sees Jeff lean forward, looking very interested in Dave's answer.

Dave meets her eyes for a split-second but cannot hold her gaze. So he nods, just once, and ducks his head, biting his lower lip.

"...Fuck, that's hot..." Jennie breathes, tightening her fingers in Andy's hair, ignoring his squeak of protest.

"Gimme that fuckin' list, Liz..." Alexis says in a quiet, strangled voice. Liz mechanically shoves it her way, and Jennie and Alexis both pounce on it, fighting over the pen and scribbling furiously.

Neal is studying Jeff and Dave alternately, his eyes dark and his jaw set, trying to parse the situation out.

Andy is staring at Jeff, something like jealousy burning behind his eyes (although he'd never admit it), and suddenly he's snatching the notebook from his sister's hands and blurting out, "Okay, then, we've taken care of _back_ stage -- what about _on_ -stage?"

And all of their heads are snapping his direction, but Andy's not looking at them -- he's putting pen to paper and peering sidelong at a violently-blushing Dave, who suddenly can't meet his gaze, either.

"Aw, c'mon -- like you all weren't thinking about it too!" Andy protests, and his voice falters as he finishes writing and finally glances around, only to find the rest of them viewing him with varying degrees of horror. "...No?" he says hesitantly. "...Just me?" Jennie tilts her head and raises an eyebrow, and Andy's face falls. "...Oh."

"Andy..." Neal says slowly, his brow wrinkling, "Is there something you want to share with us?"

"...Besides the obvious?" Dave mutters under his breath, and Liz elbows him hard in the gut.

"Oh, Andy, dude, that's six different kinds of wrong right there..." Jeff says, shaking his head. "...And probably a couple sorts of illegal..."

"God, fine! Just making out on stage, then -- is that better?"

They all dissolve into laughter, and Andy slumps in his seat, arms folded across his chest. "Fine," he grates out, scowling at the floor. "Just never fucking mind."

~~~~~~~~~~

"'Kay -- anyone else?" Dave asks, glancing around at his friends. "...No?...M'kay, lessee... We got...." He counts down the list silently, lips moving as he concentrates on the wavering, blurry lines dancing across the page. "Um...thirty. Thirty things!" he slurs, and a muted cheer goes up around him.

"Thirty fuckin' things," he repeats softly, staring at the list. "So -- who wants first crack at it?"


End file.
